Monday, February 26, 2018

roleplay THE BARN



Unique roleplay cyber Klaus has this idea that he can harvest semen from musclemen. invites me to his barn. Already took down a friend of mine, Rican Tarzan

Pup Power: It wont happen..though Atlas is strangely quiet..
ERIK ATLAS: Happens when someone sends me War and Peace to read in 30 seconds
ERIK ATLAS: so... YOU got plans for me?

klausmacht: here my precious!!!

ERIK ATLAS: that's cute

klausmacht: plans is for me and my wallet lol

ERIK ATLAS: I can kick yur wallet and feed it to you

Ray: Tell him atlas.

ERIK ATLAS: yu aint the first German maniac to try and make money off me
ERIK ATLAS: selling my juice? Thats a new one

Pup Power: You know you can CRUSH this young upstart..he captured Rican last night ...
Pup Power: I need my Enforcer back..

klausmacht: your cum is not just for sell Atlas

Ray: Klaus has rican captured and is milking him four times a day Atlas.

klausmacht: EVERY BOTTLE is premiun cum cream and will bring me great amount
klausmacht: Atlas will be milked 6 times we need export world wide clients

ERIK ATLAS: @lraybj But he likes that
ERIK ATLAS: grin
ERIK ATLAS: its a nice plan
ERIK ATLAS: you could just ASK and I might even cut you in for half
ERIK ATLAS: but sorry, my juice is not for sale
ERIK ATLAS: and yu cant make me stay

klausmacht: already i have requests from Europe Asia and North America for the precious bottles

ERIK ATLAS: nods, cock and pepsi too I'm sure
ERIK ATLAS nods darkly to Pup, motions him to get behind
Pup Power: Klaus has big plans total fantasy!!

klausmacht: of cource my souvenir store also Atlas gear Atlas pubes Atlas sweat in little bottles
Pup Power: Move behind Atlas has asked
ERIK ATLAS stands between pup and Klaus

klausmacht: KLAUS CUM COWS AND PRIME SEED FARM  will be number one
klausmacht: Pup you scared of me? awwwww
ERIK ATLAS: Well I'll leave u to your plans. You just release Rican and I'll be leaving with pup and the big man
klausmacht: you do WELL
klausmacht: Erik since you want hard game lets see how YOU WILL walk out

Pup Power: Told you I have other protectors  on here other than Rican

klausmacht: blue shorts 5`7 170 lbs on the mat wait for the lord of the beasts to showand see if can leave the room yt

ERIK ATLAS: It's a long time relationship
ERIK ATLAS: strips off my shirt
ERIK ATLAS: gonna make a grease stain outta you
ERIK ATLAS: told u hate beating the snot outta little guys
ERIK ATLAS: 6'5" 298 pounds of massive muscle steps onto the mats
ERIK ATLAS: 23" arms
ERIK ATLAS: 32" legs
ERIK ATLAS: 61" chest
Ray: Yeah atlas
ERIK ATLAS: shirt off, boots and shorts
Pup Power: WOW ...see these 2 lining up for some action...Atlas towering over the young studboy

ERIK ATLAS: step forward and bow proper and set to start, fists forward, shotokan base
ERIK ATLAS: yt

Ray: Atlas is impressive
Pup Power: This should spell THE END fir the young upstart ..
Ray: Atlas will crush him.

klausmacht: The large beast enter the mat , inspect the huge body around Fantastic better than i thought , this beast can make me very rich

Pup Power: Agreed Ray...
Pup Power: Bravado from his young opponent here...
Mad City Wrestle Hero: Looking around

klausmacht: walk stand in front you ``well Atlas you win you take this so called boss your puppy and walk out BUT  if you loose you will work for me and my company bring me money
klausmacht: simple and clean are we deal? yt

ERIK ATLAS: grin - dont spend the money yet

Pup Power: Cmon Atlas this will be a pushover and sooo satisfying to watch..

ERIK ATLAS: deal - step to you and fake two flashing jabs and hooks and NAIL you with a roundhouse kick to the guts sending you tumbling 10 feet from me... "You done?" grins.....
ERIK ATLAS: yt

Ray: Wow
Mad City Wrestle Hero: Oriented now
Mad City Wrestle Hero: Yipe
Mad City Wrestle Hero: Hold my gut in sympathy
Pup Power: Atlas showing his power from the start...

klausmacht: 8 pack get a brutal blow almost fly across mat roll stand on one knee hands on my abs ``that was fast Erik`` yt

ERIK ATLAS: "You dont get to be a legend bein slow..." closing to you
ERIK ATLAS: "Done?" BOOT to yur face

Pup Power: This will be a SQUASHHH

klausmacht: hands grip your ankle twist it in total wrong way pull your leg sweep it on the air enjoy the huge beast fall like rock yt

Mad City Wrestle Hero: Don't be so sure pup
rasslincelt: sure will
rasslincelt: c'mon Atlas!

ERIK ATLAS: yu GRAB my ankle... OH shit.... flip and turn hotting the mats on my face. GRAB you and pull you close... legs LOCK around you swallowing you in a horrible way - huge 32" quads the size of your waist lock around you!

ERIK ATLAS: You might call this a "Guard" but it starts CRUSHING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU
ERIK ATLAS: yt
rasslincelt: yeah....crush him!
Pup Power: YEAHHHH CRUSHHHHH this arrogant lil fuckerrrr...Rican can look forward to being freed..

klausmacht: the might legs around my waist can feel the monster pythons slowly crushing the ribcage pain face and hard attempts for breath feel your huge legs tighter as flex
rasslincelt: klaus trapped!

Pup Power: Sure is..nobody escapes his hugecpythons especially NOT a young upstart
ERIK ATLAS: CRUSHING your ribs... little guy a good fighter.... but goig for the knockout.... HUGE fist rocks your head...!!!
ERIK ATLAS: BAMMMM!..... followed by another wrecking elbow strike
ERIK ATLAS: BAMMMM
ERIK ATLAS: CRUSH FOLLOWS deeper and tighter
ERIK ATLAS: ...
ERIK ATLAS: yt

Mad City Wrestle Hero: Soft spot in my heart for Klausy
rasslincelt: Atlas destroying him!

klausmacht: hand hard punch at your balls fingers grip around the massive balls sack that size hard to miss them one hand squize punch punch pull your nut sack the other hand claw your quad fingers go deep and under the main muscle fiber and start pull yt

rasslincelt: damn..klaus is a brutal fighter too

ERIK ATLAS: AWUUUGHHHH!!! GRAN your hand and CRUSH with brick breaking power the bones in your wrist!
ERIK ATLAS: lets goo with the legs and BOOT kicks yu away.... FUKKK...
ERIK ATLAS: ... holding my damaged junk...."You cheat bitch..."
ERIK ATLAS: yt

rasslincelt: some damage to Atlas
Pup Power: Damn..somehow the asshole escapes the CRUSH ...but he will be back in it soon
rasslincelt: sure hope so!
rasslincelt: want to see klaus demolished.....

klausmacht: on my knees check my beast opponent hold his nuts cry in pain shake my arm my wrist feel like i punch a wall use that time the beast on his knees with back on me and get on you both hands get on your pits claw them with everything my body have dig the fingers so deep i can poke the joints my legs around your waist my heels on your big balls twist my heels strike the massive cum tankers get my head lower at your back to avoid headbutts yt

Ray: Damn.
rasslincelt: hell..feisty lil guy....
Pup Power: Cmon Atlas..escape this...the smaller stud..probing the big studs muscle fibre...

ERIK ATLAS: This guy fast as a plague and all over me like one... on my back.... not going for a choke but a CLAW?arms snaked under my pits and AWUGHHHHFUKKK... clawing in hard... UGHRRRRRRR! yu strike my balls agin... HUGE legs clamp on your ankle trapping it stopping the shots,,, rolling left on top of your lther leg effectively stopping the ball shots.... arms tingling numb... cant reach his hands... UGHHHH claw hurt but i can take it... squirming to find a way to get him off my back
ERIK ATLAS: yt

rasslincelt: c'mon Atlas!
ERIK ATLAS: <<Hears Celt... nodding...>>
Pup Power: ATLAS...cmon ur way bigger than this asshole...get back into it...pleaseeee.
rasslincelt: he will!

klausmacht: the massive muscle beast brutal react i expect nothing less from a muscle beast have destroy triple my size guys  keep claw your pit deepper with hard fingers punches at your joint my other hand at your throat on your adams apple fingers dig deep on adams apple and throat crushing the wind pipe slowly  ``no air for you beast boy`` yt

rasslincelt: oh man.....klaus means business
ERIK ATLAS: yu release one of the claw holds and grip my throat... Celt and Pup see me slip a short smile... I FLEX my neck and completely neutralize that hold... power and muscle in ways you never seen... always fighting other lil guys, never a monster like me... i GRAB your pinkie and PEEL your hand off my neck and TURN fast facing you turning into your claw hold...
ERIK ATLAS: needed a pair of those claws to keep me there... face to face now
ERIK ATLAS: ELBOW strikes to your face hard!
ERIK ATLAS: THROAT strike!
ERIK ATLAS: in yor guard hammering your head and neck
ERIK ATLAS: yt

Pup Power: Atlas fighting back...niceeee..
rasslincelt: GO ATLAS!!
ERIK ATLAS: <<bigger smile hearing Celt>>
rasslincelt: lean forward...watching Atlas take charge
Ray: Yeah atlas.

klausmacht: a big blood spray from the hard face  blow follow throat and again face blow for more blood can't see well from the steady blood flow
klausmacht: get my fists up and palm dragon strike at your mastoid tendon follow two brutal dragon palms at your ears yt

ERIK ATLAS: yu HIT my neck at the side and hook into my thick mastoid tendon... FLEX... UGHHHHH fukkkk hurts...!!!SLAMS to my ear nearly deafening me.... UGHHHH.... GRAB hat wrist gripping my neck.... PLANT right foot... STAND and SLAM 298 pounds on You hard!
rasslincelt: yeah!
ERIK ATLAS: Fighting still to rip that hooking hold out of my neck as yur rockt hard from the hard slam
ERIK ATLAS: yt

Pup Power: Atlas showing his POWER...
rasslincelt: gonna demolish the kid!

klausmacht: your huge foot get my body feel a tanker hit me under you i  taste the blood in my mouth and the burn pain from your foot my hands dig deeper and pull damage the most i can at right remove my hand at left and hard punch your anterior triangle of your neck with my fingers find easy access of soft muscle of giant yt
rasslincelt: damn....klaus knows his vulnerable points!

ERIK ATLAS: on top of you... yu TEARING into my neck with freaking incredible pain nearly blinding me!....Collapse on top of you grabbing your left hand and RIP yu outta me AWUGHhhhhhhfukkkk!.... heaving breath... whatever the fuk yu did, gawd that HURT!!!
ERIK ATLAS: Lean back and DROP a PUNCH unleashed at your chest HEARTPUNCH to your left pec spearing pain through you!... your bloody face another ELBOW SLAM blasting hard to your left eye... blood splits out!
ERIK ATLAS: yt

klausmacht: face dripping with blood -  my hand digs into your neck as you attack again my face -  body jacknifes from the chest punch and forces me to release the back of your neck - I try to keep fingers in your neck muscle  - I spit at your face! Some big blood gobs hit your face and slide off. As you are blinded I slip and shrimp out from under you shoving your big body off me - but i am not able to roll away.  Manage to roll you - my body to be on yours - torso to torso abs to abs  - I shove my hand between our abs ``have you felt the bite of Morpheus ........the pinch ....... to distract you I slam your face with my forehead strike on your base of your nose - over and over several times
klausmacht: mix blood sweat and anything left from energy yt

rasslincelt: oh man...kid not giving up.....
jockboydex: No hope Klaus
jockboydex: Give up before he breaks u
Pup Power: Fuckkk he is still fighting this..
rasslincelt: time to finish him Atlas!
jockboydex: Can’t wait to see what happens after this bout
rasslincelt: if there is anything left of the loser.....
Pup Power: Me either..Rican will be freed..
rasslincelt: hopefully

ERIK ATLAS: Ripped out of my neck.. feel blood on my neck... damage unexpected but matches the pain from the attack... yu Slash at my throat and spit at me... (THAT will piss me off) blinded and trying to wipe that outta my face.. yu squirm out and find my self on my back.....
ERIK ATLAS: yur fondling my abs as yu get on top of me slamming me with headbutts....
rasslincelt: slam back Atlas!
ERIK ATLAS: Hands up and block yur head from slamming my face more... "FUCK morpheus.... YOU first..." GRAB yur head and SLAM yur battered nose... SLAM yur eye... big TEXAS forehead like a hammer
ERIK ATLAS: yt

rasslincelt: GO ATLAS!!
rasslincelt: klaus gotta be fading now......

klausmacht: blood spray all over mix with yours can't hold much more hard keep against a beast like him in close part see forced to roll away some my broken nose drip a trail of blood stand on one knee try focus the blur vision heavy breath with an evil smile in my face
klausmacht: ERIK YOU EVER FELT MORPHEUS BITE? is sweet  heavy the best  hug him tight yt

rasslincelt: finish him Atlas!
rasslincelt: the kid still hanging on.......

ERIK ATLAS: I don't know what yur blathering about.... you roll off me wounded badly... I get up... neck bleeding some but untouched mostly.... and not exhausted like you might be having had me on top of you
ERIK ATLAS: SWING a fist as i rise rocking your face... keeping at that target ,... then swtch!... Standing i SCOOP m arms around your and CRUSH you in the ATLAS BEARHUG!!!
ERIK ATLAS: yur little body CRUSHED and swallowed on male POWER that you have never experienced before....
ERIK ATLAS: CRUSHING SQUEEZE lifted off your feet...
ERIK ATLAS: RIBS BENDING...."QUIT yu little fucker...>'
ERIK ATLAS: yt

klausmacht: the monster arms around my wounded body the massive muscles slowly crush any life off my bones feel you get it tighter and tighter get my body on a arched bow ``I...WARN YOU ERIK .....MEET....MY BEST FRIEND MORPHEUS`` My hand at my waistband pull a small needle hard inject it at the side of your neck base of your scalp .....yt

Mad City Wrestle Hero: DQ
rasslincelt: cheat!
Pup Power: No rules that I know of...
Ray: Wtf?

ERIK ATLAS: I barely understand what just happened... feels like he scratched me... SHAKE you like a dog toy! STILL CRUSHING YOUR BODY HARD.... feeling dizzy a little but gonna break you in half.... still not sure what that does....

rasslincelt: crush him Atlas

ERIK ATLAS: You feel your ribs stil under TITANIC PRESSURE as the race between your mystery drug and my power runs it course.... POP yur rib snaks!
ERIK ATLAS: yt

rasslincelt: yeah......hear those ribs snapping
Ray: Maybe atlas needs a second dose.
rasslincelt: yeah...he's a huge man!
rasslincelt: maybe klaus didn't pack a big enough dose of whatever......

klausmacht: my head at your neck teeth hard bite at your adams apple feel teeth dig so deep ``morpheus will hug you soon`` try whisper at your ear cry scream as feel some ribs snap keep teeth dig in to your throat not much left in my body anymore use the energy fumes to stay on fight yt

rasslincelt: damn...like a little vampire!
rasslincelt: finish him off Atlas!

ERIK ATLAS: yu BITE my neck... my cock always crazy loving that shit....yur body crumbling and then that scratch on my neck itching then goes NUMB.... eyes feel heavy.... OH FUK.... no you didn't... oh shit....

Pup Power: This boy doesnt know when he is finished....and FUCKKKK...looks like that injection has finally taken affect...

ERIK ATLAS: BEAR all my crushing power into him while I still have some... POP another  rib displaces inside you.... you PAY for this cheat.. but m arms feel heavy and hands slip... apart
ERIK ATLAS: FUKK... yu drop to the floor
ERIK ATLAS: I sink to one knee....
ERIK ATLAS: FUK
rasslincelt: noooooooooo
ERIK ATLAS: holding the back of my neck
ERIK ATLAS: pull out a small needle
ERIK ATLAS: "You..... little.... shit..."
ERIK ATLAS: stand KICK a hard BOOT to yur head!
ERIK ATLAS: yt

Ray: Holy crap.
rasslincelt: get him Atlas!
Pup Power: Seeing the big blond powerhouse sinking. FUCKKKKK...NOOOOO..

rasslincelt: yeah...knock him senseless!
Pup Power: Wild kick there from the wounded musclestud...
rasslincelt: klaus guts messed up from that bearhug
rasslincelt: cracked ribs gotta be taking their toll

klausmacht: easy duck this weak kick stand with ropes help keep distance as i see you get on knees weaker and weaker my legs barely hold me very hard breath from broken ribs can see only from one eye the other a huge cut on eybrow hold the ropes try put one feet toward the other to walk ``i told you erik MORPHEUS IS HERE AND HUG YOU NOW GO IN HIS ARMS AND YOUR BODY ON MY ARMS`` I TRY SHOUT PART WORDS PART BLOOD BUBBLES YT

rasslincelt: wow...klaus seems almost finished.....
rasslincelt: major internalinjuries

ERIK ATLAS: yu shout shit at me... yur a mess... heavy weight on my... chest... aww fukkk.... like a huge weight on my chest.... rubbing my thick pecs working to breathe... Hug of Morpheus.... awwwgawdammm.... LUNGE at you and corner you... HAND on yur throat... "YU cheated... no deal... These men go frrrrreee..." blinking trying to stay up... hand power just fine though as yur one eye bugging out of your face....KNEE to yur balls...!
ERIK ATLAS: chest heavy... breathing like lifting 100 extra pounds
ERIK ATLAS: ...
ERIK ATLAS: yt

rasslincelt: Atlas got him where it hurts!
Ray: Damn. Atlas is a fighter
Pup Power: Don't count on it..my hor stud and Protector Atlas fighting for his life here...
rasslincelt: young muscled fighter can't take much more......

klausmacht: your knee target the few things is not bruised in my body my balls fall on my knees is not much i can give back no way for fists at this status my hand hold my balls my other hand grip your huge bull balls hold em like a handler in a bus drop all my weight on this arm since is not much more i can do  your legs paint by my blood
klausmacht: breath heavy and every breath with pain from broken ribs clear all the time my eye so can see from the blood get in  yt

rasslincelt: he's fighting to the end....

ERIK ATLAS: Yu hit the mats after the ball shot... not even sure where my hand is.... I step back and stumble... drop to my ass...head seeing the lights...

rasslincelt: NOOOOO

ERIK ATLAS: I make myself sit up and look for the exit.... roll out of the ring.... can't let him take me....
ERIK ATLAS: head Celt cry in horror and disappointment
ERIK ATLAS: shake my head....

Pup Power: Whats going on!?
rasslincelt: go Atlas...quick!

ERIK ATLAS: boots hit the floor.... walking to the exit through the chairs...
ERIK ATLAS: stumble and knees hit the flor.
ERIK ATLAS: yt

Pup Power: Atlas bailing out here...
rasslincelt: run to Atlas....arm around him...trying to lift him
Ray: Holy crap   Never seen atlas run from an opponent before.
Pup Power: Whatever was in that needle has affected the blond powerhouse...

ERIK ATLAS: <<can't let him... take me...>>>

rasslincelt: for sure
rasslincelt: trying to help Atlas to his feet...make his escape
Ray: Atlas looks to be in a panic.
rasslincelt: grunting as I try to support Atlas' big body
Ray: Standing there with my mouth open.

ERIK ATLAS: <<standing with Celt...>> "You need to run... he's focused on me....get away..."

Pup Power: He seems to be in a total disarray..WHAT THE FUCKKKK...

klausmacht: roll and with ropes help out of the ring let a blood trail follow me step here and there push fans away with dizzy steps reach Atlas ``NOBODY MOVE `` GRAB A CHAIR AND TOSS IT AT ERIK LEGS  not sure where the chair went ``I TOLD YOU ERIK MORPHEUS HAVE YOU NOW YOU ARE MINE MINE MINE YOU WILL MAKE ME RICH`` YT

Pup Power: Stunned by these events...
Ray: Damn. Klaus still after atlas.
rasslincelt: using all my strength to try to get Atlas out
Pup Power: Cekt ur taking a risk here...
rasslincelt: have to......

ERIK ATLAS: "Brother...." bloody hand on your face..."Get out of here...?" the weight on my chest tripling... clutching my chest... like a python wrapped around me.... suck in a breath and step forward.... aiming for the door... chair flies past me.... i turn to look... bad idea... dizzy and topple to the floor... shove Celt away...."Go..."

klausmacht: see rass try help Atlas escape ``CELT YOU DEAD  IF YOU DO THAT I PROMISE YOU WILL SUFFER IN THE DEEPEST PAIN HELL``

ERIK ATLAS: land on my back... gasping
ERIK ATLAS: <<<"Fuck him... go...">>>

rasslincelt: stumble..pushed away by Atlas...land in the chairs

Ray: Oh fuck. Atlas is down.

rasslincelt: grab at Atlas' arm...desperately try to drag him

Ray: I run over to try to help atlas up with celt.
Pup Power: Studs trying to save Atlas...

klausmacht: TRY SLOWLY REACH aTLAS `` FINALY HE IS MINE`` clear my face i see you can't move anymore raise a metal pole and strike your legs and lower back ``get away of him who help him will face my wrath`` yt

rasslincelt: c'mon ray..let's get him outta here
rasslincelt: glare defiantly at klaus
Pup Power: Klaus now destroying my Protector...FUCKKK...
Ray: Trying to drag atlas out. Klaus striking atlas’s legs.
rasslincelt: sweating as ray and I try to drag an almost inert Atlas

ERIK ATLAS: Driven flat.... hit by some shit... hear souting but its like I'm buried in 100 matresses and can barely hear.... laying flay on m chest on the cold floor... room spins.... hard to breathe... gasping.... darkness...
ERIK ATLAS: yt

rasslincelt: feel the big body go limp...shit.....
Ray: Damn. He is heavy.
rasslincelt: sure is...keep trying to drag him
Ray: Watch out for klaus Celt.
rasslincelt: not afraid of him

Pup Power: The young asshole closing in on his wounded prey....

klausmacht: drop my knees on your back my ribs killling me grab your hair ``DID I TOLD YOU? DID I TOLD YOU ERIK I WILL AUCTION YOUR HOT BODY? WHO IS THE MAN NOW? WHO STAND OVER YOUR BODY?`` SLOWLY STAND ONE EYE LOOK around see PUP.....POINT AT HIM.....YOU ARE  NEXT...
Ray: Let him go klaus.

ERIK ATLAS: Head pulled up... hear you threaten pup.... "You.. want me... leave him be..."

klausmacht: my waist band roll take a secont needle turn to celt want save him? he need the antidote... THIS ONE...carry him in my car and i will not let him die..... UP TO YOU yt

rasslincelt: muekick back into klaus' broken ribs as he kneels on Atlas' back

ERIK ATLAS: breath so heavy
ERIK ATLAS: like lifting 500 pounds
ERIK ATLAS: gasping
ERIK ATLAS: ...

Pup Power: Fuckk Celt playing with fire..

klausmacht: hold the antidote ... YOU WILLLET HIM DIE?  or carry him in my car?

Ray: We better do it Celt.

rasslincelt: damn..eye the second needle...need to save Atlas...start dragging him with ray to the car

ERIK ATLAS: feeling my friends dragging me.... eyes rolling back in my head... holding celts hand
ERIK ATLAS: slackens
ERIK ATLAS: ...
ERIK ATLAS: [last word from me]

Ray: Grab atlas’s legs. Celt his shoulders as we strain to carry him to klaus’s bmw.

klausmacht: get in car too at drivers side wait for you load him and lock the doors inject the antidote you too precius to loose you money maker  and start the car

Ray: Stand there feeling helpless as klaus starts his car.
Pup Power: Cant believe now my Protector has been taken...FUCKKKK..

klausmacht: try to drive thought the worst pain ever.... YOU WILL GET NEWS FROM MY BARN scream from my window as my car let you back .......END.....FOR NOW

ERIK ATLAS: [end]


Tuesday, January 2, 2018

MUSCLEMAN 2017

Erik Atlas publishing announces the 2017 Muscleman of the year - awarded to the man that drove the look of physique athletics. CALEB BLANCHARD is the man! The enduring physical trait of bodybuilding since Arnold has been smooth, hairless, and tan. It's gone to the point where men now are shaving and painting to look nothing like their native skin appearance. Blanchard brought to the world a vision of male power with body hair and a natural skin tone risking that forced appearance.






Thank Caleb - wishing you the best in 2018!

Friday, December 15, 2017


Gawd, why did it have to be snakes?

Well I'll tell you. Cause if they're big enough they make my pants tight! Grow a pair and fight 'em like He Man!

Thursday, December 14, 2017

So you guys all noticed Trump was elected.

When that happened, it took me a long time to be able to write again. I don't care if you hate me for opposing your billionaire cocksucker - move along already.

I wrote this about 30 days after.



BLACK PAINT, AND REGULAR SHIPMENTS OF HORSE MEAT

The Neighborhood Association bought a Chechnyan Mountain Wolf Resistance Rebel Assassin Hound, a very special breed of working dog. Legend has it that they can eat a horse a week and when they run out of horses, they eat people.

They got it for Neighborhood Defense.

Mrs. Johnson said she saw someone peeking in her bathroom window the other night and was sure we warnt safe no more, but she'd been making that call since her husband left her for a Mary Kay sales lady driving a pink Caddy. Everyone was hoping she would just shut up because they knew she couldn't be telling the truth because no one would want to look at her on the john.

But this was a good way to get her to be quiet so the council approved the $10 million purchase funded through a mill increase and sold to the attending public with the good notion about how much money they would save on community security with this new dog around. They bought Arnold, the Chechnyan Assassin Hound.

The first night for Arnold's patrol he went straight to Mrs. Johnson's house, tore open the front wall, and ate her.

There was a huge protest at her funeral. At least 20 people showed.

They all posted on Facebook that This is not my Hound. The Neighborhood Association apologized for running out of horse meat the first week of patrol, but was quick to point out that they hold his leash and no one innocent should be afraid.

They were right. They had a leash.

But the protestors still objected and warned that if the dog was not sent away they will post nasty memes on Facebook.

Arnold proceeded to eat women and complainers while the Neighborhood Association waited for their next shipment of horsemeat, that they had a tracking number for and were sure it would be here any day. Arnold waited out the time by leaving huge turds on the lawns of the fashionable and influential people of the neighborhood.

Ms. Bicklespit complained that Arnold ate her arm. You see, The Association was taking Arnold out for a walk and the leash holder was dragged a mile because Arnold heard a bird tweet and he went nuts, and wouldn't you know it, they ran into Ms. Bicklespit while she was bringing Arnold a gift - a nice chicken and rice flavored Milk Bone wrapped in Sizzlean.

Of course she survived the attack because we have nothing to fear.

The day after though, they were sorry to announce, she was eaten for complaining about her arm.
The protestors dug in and unfriended everyone, friending them again with phoney accounts and unfriending them soon after. They promised to do it again unless they get rid of Arnold. The count of people unfriending the Neighborhood Association soared. They had no idea they had that many people living in the neighborhood and immediately started a property tax investigation to find out why these people weren't paying taxes.

The protestors then had a rock concert; Rock Against Arnold.

Everyone left early, when the sound man had his leg bit off because Arnold did not like the upper range mix. He bled out on the lawn of the Masonic Temple.

The Neighborhood Association worked hard to mend their failing public image by replacing the Neighborhood Watch patrol car with horse mounted patrols to show how safe Arnold is. That lasted a week and then no one saw any more patrols for a while. The car came back last Thursday without comment.

The protesters unfriended the horse. Then they unfriended the car.

They held a "Happy Hour" at the Putt Putt place down the street celebrating the fact that since Arnold arrived in the neighborhood, neighborhood complaints were down 98%. Arnold left a big crap on the 11th green to wild enthusiastic applause.

The protesters got on Facebook and unfriended and unliked the Putt Putt place and started frequenting the Spencer Gifts in the Mall until they got kicked out for not buying anything.

Then, as time passed, Tino came home from Afghanistan.
He was given a Hero's Welcome with a huge party at the Holiday Inn
He tried to explain that he was grateful
But all he did was show up to work
And didn't feel he did much anything heroic.

He decided to wait for it all to calm down
Fat chance

The next morning he woke to a huge monster taking a shit on his lawn
He went to his gun rack
And confronted Arnold
Shooting the Chechnyan Assassin Hound 4 times

The protesters unfriended him for being violent
And the Neighborhood Association fined him for littering
And leaving out tasteless unapproved lawn decorations.

There was a short service for Arnold and everyone came out to attend. Tears flowed and people made speeches about how much they would miss him. Arnold, we hardly got to know you.

Tino looked around and made another quick decision of will and wisdom and opened a puppy farm. Everyone came out to find a puppy to hug. No they didn't breed Chechnyan Mountain Wolf Resistance Assassin Hounds. He found out there was no such breed. It turns out Arnold was an unloved American pitt bull, painted black.

While cleaning his gun Tino thought hard as warriors will. He took out an ad in the Daily Picayune and it said, "When bullets replace ballots, the wrong guy always gets shot."