So you guys all noticed Trump was elected.

When that happened, it took me a long time to be able to write again. I don't care if you hate me for opposing your billionaire cocksucker - move along already.

I wrote this about 30 days after.

BLACK PAINT, AND REGULAR SHIPMENTS OF HORSE MEAT

The Neighborhood Association bought a Chechnyan Mountain Wolf Resistance Rebel Assassin Hound, a very special breed of working dog. Legend has it that they can eat a horse a week and when they run out of horses, they eat people.

They got it for Neighborhood Defense.

Mrs. Johnson said she saw someone peeking in her bathroom window the other night and was sure we warnt safe no more, but she'd been making that call since her husband left her for a Mary Kay sales lady driving a pink Caddy. Everyone was hoping she would just shut up because they knew she couldn't be telling the truth because no one would want to look at her on the john.

But this was a good way to get her to be quiet so the council approved the $10 million purchase funded through a mill increase and sold to the attending public with the good notion about how much money they would save on community security with this new dog around. They bought Arnold, the Chechnyan Assassin Hound.

The first night for Arnold's patrol he went straight to Mrs. Johnson's house, tore open the front wall, and ate her.

There was a huge protest at her funeral. At least 20 people showed.

They all posted on Facebook that This is not my Hound. The Neighborhood Association apologized for running out of horse meat the first week of patrol, but was quick to point out that they hold his leash and no one innocent should be afraid.

They were right. They had a leash.

But the protestors still objected and warned that if the dog was not sent away they will post nasty memes on Facebook.

Arnold proceeded to eat women and complainers while the Neighborhood Association waited for their next shipment of horsemeat, that they had a tracking number for and were sure it would be here any day. Arnold waited out the time by leaving huge turds on the lawns of the fashionable and influential people of the neighborhood.

Ms. Bicklespit complained that Arnold ate her arm. You see, The Association was taking Arnold out for a walk and the leash holder was dragged a mile because Arnold heard a bird tweet and he went nuts, and wouldn't you know it, they ran into Ms. Bicklespit while she was bringing Arnold a gift - a nice chicken and rice flavored Milk Bone wrapped in Sizzlean.

Of course she survived the attack because we have nothing to fear.

The day after though, they were sorry to announce, she was eaten for complaining about her arm.

The protestors dug in and unfriended everyone, friending them again with phoney accounts and unfriending them soon after. They promised to do it again unless they get rid of Arnold. The count of people unfriending the Neighborhood Association soared. They had no idea they had that many people living in the neighborhood and immediately started a property tax investigation to find out why these people weren't paying taxes.

The protestors then had a rock concert; Rock Against Arnold.

Everyone left early, when the sound man had his leg bit off because Arnold did not like the upper range mix. He bled out on the lawn of the Masonic Temple.

The Neighborhood Association worked hard to mend their failing public image by replacing the Neighborhood Watch patrol car with horse mounted patrols to show how safe Arnold is. That lasted a week and then no one saw any more patrols for a while. The car came back last Thursday without comment.

The protesters unfriended the horse. Then they unfriended the car.

They held a "Happy Hour" at the Putt Putt place down the street celebrating the fact that since Arnold arrived in the neighborhood, neighborhood complaints were down 98%. Arnold left a big crap on the 11th green to wild enthusiastic applause.

The protesters got on Facebook and unfriended and unliked the Putt Putt place and started frequenting the Spencer Gifts in the Mall until they got kicked out for not buying anything.

Then, as time passed, Tino came home from Afghanistan.

He was given a Hero's Welcome with a huge party at the Holiday Inn

He tried to explain that he was grateful

But all he did was show up to work

And didn't feel he did much anything heroic.

He decided to wait for it all to calm down

Fat chance

The next morning he woke to a huge monster taking a shit on his lawn

He went to his gun rack

And confronted Arnold

Shooting the Chechnyan Assassin Hound 4 times

The protesters unfriended him for being violent

And the Neighborhood Association fined him for littering

And leaving out tasteless unapproved lawn decorations.

There was a short service for Arnold and everyone came out to attend. Tears flowed and people made speeches about how much they would miss him. Arnold, we hardly got to know you.

Tino looked around and made another quick decision of will and wisdom and opened a puppy farm. Everyone came out to find a puppy to hug. No they didn't breed Chechnyan Mountain Wolf Resistance Assassin Hounds. He found out there was no such breed. It turns out Arnold was an unloved American pitt bull, painted black.

While cleaning his gun Tino thought hard as warriors will. He took out an ad in the Daily Picayune and it said, "When bullets replace ballots, the wrong guy always gets shot."